One Moon At A Time

The sun came up today....as it does every day.  Before the sun made its grand appearance, the sky was lit up by the full moon.  It was beautiful and commanded my undivided attention for a whole minute.  Just so you know...a full minute is impressive by today's standards.  A full sixty seconds of silence, being motionless, and appreciating the beauty of the moon and what it did to the sky around it.  Not wishing it away to usher in the sun, but appreciating it in that moment.  Stunning.

It never fails, lately when I go into town I encounter at least one person who says "Have you moved yet?"  It is the same irksome feeling as when I was heavy pregnant in my last month and people would bug out their eyes when they saw you and asked "You haven't had that baby yet?"  You struggle to be polite but silently you scream on the inside.  You reason they are just making conversation and are not privy to the constant ticking clock inside your head.  You hear it so loudly...that clock ticking...it wears on your nerves.  Painfully aware of what all needs to be done within a roughly estimated time frame.  A time not yet revealed...the suspense of when has worn me out.

OK...so I am a control freak.  A planner.  A list maker.  A doer.  Asking me to stand still and be patient is not in my bag of tricks. My internal wiring is at constant conflict with this whole process.  I hate those things in life that are out of my control.  Things I have to wait and let happen on their own...or worse yet...are in the hands of somebody else.

I walk from room to room looking at our stuff knowing that what we have will not fit where we are going.  Editing what stays and what goes.  I have relinquished a large amount of things already.  Mentally it was easy to rationalize and let go...but the physical act of packing it and handing it over...actually letting go...was a small struggle.  I did it...I'm glad I did it...and I'll be glad when I can stop doing it...even if it means it's all gone.

Always having a song to sing at any given moment, I find myself going back to "One day at a time sweet Jesus."  OK....so I change it to Sweet Infant Jesus when I sing it.  Keep reminding myself that I am only required to do this one day at a time.  Each day trying to enjoy still being where I am....cause I do love where I live and am in no hurry to leave just yet.  Trying to embrace the changes...all of them.  Trying to come to terms with not being in control. 

Then I burst out into song again, "I got the sun in the morning and the moon at night..."